I set a word for 2018…confidence. As I started to focus on this area of my life, I was sure the answers would come from books. When that didn’t give me what I craved, I kept searching.
Boxing provided me the confidence I desired. A few months ago a blogger put a call out for guest bloggers on her new site. There was some hesitation on my behalf, but decided it was worth telling my story.
You can read my post here.
While it is scary to put yourself out there and share your vulnerabilities, it can be very empowering. My hope is that it inspires someone else who is struggling and is unsure. This Valentine’s Day love yourself first and good things will come.
Looking back on 2017 has given me some great insight and I can see personal growth. I’m looking forward to 2018 by putting things in motion to make it a wonderful year. The next few paragraphs are raw and unfortunately true.
Let’s go back to December 2016. I wasn’t happy in my current job and had been looking for some time. The jobs I really wanted wouldn’t interview me because I was missing things they really wanted to see. My opportunities for growth within my company were limited. Then something happened that was a defining moment. A co-worker touched me inappropriately at our Holiday Party. I was mortified at what happened and it basically changed how I felt about myself. Yes, I did report it to HR and he still works at the company. No, I won’t name him publicly. He can live with his own shame.
Do you know what my first words to HR were? I dressed conservatively and this happened. Nothing says sexy like a black high neck dress, black cardigan, black tights and black heels. How was this my fault? That’s how I felt at the time and it ruined December. We spoke to attorney, but I didn’t want to put myself and family through that. Instead, I put some feelers out and found a new job quickly. The new job was completely different and way less money. So, maybe I should have pursued things with an attorney, but I don’t know that I would be where I am today.
The impact of that December night and some ass hat’s actions impacted most of my 2017. Not all as bad, which is why I have decided to share. Let’s dig into the bad so you know where I’m going for 2018.
Huge shake to my self confidence. I just haven’t been myself.
Weight gain. Eating my feelings and lacking self confidence helped, right?
Motivation way down.
Generally just pissed off.
It affected all parts of my life. The feminist in me is mad as hell that I didn’t stay and fight. Stand up for myself, press charges, and demand more. Instead, I ran away and quickly found a new job. As 2017 comes to a close I’m more confident in sharing what happened. The #metoo movement was motivating. It’s sad that so many of my friends had that posted, I wanted to hug them all. It was liberating to know I’m not alone. Deep down I knew that. People I didn’t expect posted their own stories too. I have decided that I won’t let this incident define me any longer, his actions will not win. I am so much more than that glimpse in time and event.
Towards the end of 2017, my husband and I really started digging into where we want to go and our goals. I have some big things coming out in 2018, that I can’t share just yet. It fits right into all of this I promise. I took on some virtual assisting work to help expand my skills. Finally, I felt creative again.
Things were getting back on track professionally and creatively, but personally I was still struggling. During my annual exam I had a frank discussion with my doctor about my health. Luckily, she was frank right back. We chatted about my lifestyle habits and what could be causing my weight to creep up or stay the same. The exercise, sleep, and stress management were in place. Then she asked about my diet. As a former health coach, I thought I had it together. I was eating lots of fruits and vegetables and cooking at home. Well, she brought up carbohydrates. Then after some discussion maybe that was the area I needed/should change to see the weight loss I was hoping for.
(Insert HUGE eye roll from me)
I laughed her off and said yeah okay. After the appointment I started looking at what I was eating and was flabbergasted. Rob and I chatted about changing our nutritional habits and what we could maybe do. Since he does most of the cooking, I needed and wanted his help in this. We changed our diet up and ditched lots of carbs. I’m talking chips, crackers, taco shells, etc. Still lots of veggies and now more nuts and fats. It’s been a challenge, but I like how I feel. It took an honest conversation that I didn’t want to hear to encourage me to make a change.
Since I started making changes with my diet, having conversations around other changes have been easier. It’s become apparent that just doing a desk job all day isn’t the best for me. I crave flexibility and being my own boss. Moving into 2018, that is a goal. Make it work so I don’t have to work for others. This is a longer term plan that isn’t feasible right this moment, but something to work towards and focus on.
What does that mean? On the blog you’re going to see some changes. You already know that sewing and quilting is a huge stress reliever for me, but there is so much more to me. I’m going to dig into confidence and ways to make some changes.
My word of the year for 2018 is confidence. As I’m working to boost my own confidence in 2018, I will be sharing things that I find or tips that are helpful. This will not be an easy focus or change. It’s going to be hard work that will have huge benefits in the end.
If you know me personally, you may be surprised just how much confidence I am lacking these days. You may be thinking, “You’re loud, opinionated, and seem to have it together.” Thanks friend, but that’s the case.
Now that you know where I’m coming from and the overall theme, it’s time to dig into how.
Read and expand my knowledge on boosting confidence.
Take some time daily to breathe and reflect.
Keep up my regular exercise for my overall wellness.
Kick ass at something new. Learning something new will help me build a skill and challenge myself.
I hope you stay with me on this journey. Thanks for letting me get that huge secret off my chest. Let’s move ahead and make 2018 a wonderful year.